Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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