people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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