either way he was missing a nipple.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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