i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
