So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
