His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
