How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
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there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
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Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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