Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Is it because I queefed?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
