Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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