it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
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One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
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