We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
