She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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