We're facebook friends in real life
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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