you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
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