Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
false alarm. still invincible.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
