It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
