we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
