I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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