I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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