whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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