i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
