OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You're a waste of cheezeits
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
