Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
