Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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