I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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