I heard we made out
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
