My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My feet surprised me
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