I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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