yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
