he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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