Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
