Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
