Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
