I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Damn victory sex feels great
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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