Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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