Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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