Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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