i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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