Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
