haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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