this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
