Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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