if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
