What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
