just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
