All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
