I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
