No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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