he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
