Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
