Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
