Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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