the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
