Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
