Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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