Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
