I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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