So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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