They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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