i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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