nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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