I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
