i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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