There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
