I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
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Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
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Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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