How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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