I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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