Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
