so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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