Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
